Whatsamahoosit

So here I am literally 3 workdays away from leaving my current place of work.  Just when you think, “Hey, I’m leaving.  Things can’t get that bad from here on out.  What are they gonna do?  FIRE ME?!”  Well, today things got a little sad.  No, there was no firing.  But I came to a true realization of how little I am thought of at work.  I mean, all this time, it has been pretty clear how my administration feels about me but today it was brought home to me how they REALLY feel. 

You see, now that I am leaving, there are many people that are being forced into uncomfortable situaitons and left with many unappealing things to do.  The wonderful task of ordering team gear, balancing a budget, getting quotes, putting POs in, getting the girls’ sizes, etc, etc, etc.  So basically it is taking about 6 people to do what I have been doing.  Please don’t think I’m trying to toot my own horn or anything.  I’m just trying to get you to understand how massive this job ACTUALLY is.  But now that I am on my way out, my principal has found that the important things that I have been saying for the past two years are actually true and my advice actually should be followed because i ACTUALLY know what I’m talking about.  All the things that I have been asking them to do for the past 2 years, they are doing now that I am on my way out.  I am very hurt.  There is something so pinching on the inside of me and it stings pretty badly.  Yet I knew when I spoke to the Lord about this 2 months ago, I had to accept the fact that all my hard labor and sowing could quite possibly raise a harvest that someone else would enjoy.  That seems to be the very case with which I am currently staring in the face.  At the time, I thought I could handle it ok.  There was my mistake.  I, on my own, cannot handle.  This situation is yet another situation where God is trying to teach me to lean on Him.  He is trying to get me to learn and understand something bigger.  He didn’t stop teaching me when I resigned and got my new position.  He is still trying to teach me right now. 

Furthermore, I began to realize another reason of their disrespect of me.  It’s my age.  It sounds sad I know, but it’s true.  My principal has so much more respect for the mothers who are helping her take on the tasks I’m leaving behind because of the things she is giving to them, the way she works for them, the way she treats them, etc.  And I began to see clearly today how I mean so much less to her because I am young.  She automatically assumes I’m wrong or ignorant because I’m young. 

Anyway, it has been very disheartening today.  I know I’ve been rambling for some time on this job issue but it is a nice outlet.  Yet despite all these dealings with things, I am still trying to accomplish the impossible for them.  They wanted abigger team and a second audition.  So I threw together an audition in 2 weeks. I have been arranging the dance routines for next year.  I have been continuing to organize summer camp.  I have inventoried every single piece of costume that the program owns.  And I am still trying to do my job.  But tonight, I just really began to feel the weight of everything and how painful it is.

I am not unaware of the wonderful situation that awaits past Friday.  I’m just hurting right now.  But God is giving me victory over my emotions.  There are big things coming my way and they are all good!  I just need somewhere 2 vent  once in a while. 

There is no way that what I am going through is anywhere NEAR what Christ went through but I have BEGUN to understand what it means, “to share in the fellowship of His sufferings, being made like Him in His death, so as to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”  Many things have been done to me unjustly.  But Christ knoew injustice and yet loved his betrayers and enemies.  It’s time to grow up and live like Him.