Something’s Gotta Give

So today my life could have dramatically changed.  It changed some but not as much as it could have.  My husband was in a car accident.  He is okay but it could have been a lot worse.  He just barely missed hitting an 18 wheeler that failed to yield.  I was about to leave my place of work to meet him at the doctor’s office for an appointment he had scheduled when I got the call.  I was in the middle of trying to secure a substitute for my classes (which I had already attempted to do yesterday) when I found out about the accident.  The sub still hadn’t arrived but I needed to go.  I asked the athletic secretary to just look in on the girls before the sub arrived seeing as how my husband had just been in an accident.  She looked straight at me and said, “No. No.  Nobody can help you.”  I was absolutely appalled.  I have already had several experiences with her of the less than savory nature and this has broken the straw.  I’ve never been anything but nice to this lady and she continues to perpetuate the attitude that is dominant in my workplace-”me for me and screw everybody else! ”

I rushed out of there leaving my girls to themselves because I know they could handle it.  I’m speeding down the expressway to meet my husband and praying the whole way.  I get there and he’s pretty shaken up but he’s ok.  The news on the car isn’t great but it could have been a lot worse!

This event has thrown me back into the headlong spiral of the psychzovrenic (sp?) life I lead.  I have become absolutely fed up with the situations in my life that are unresolved.  I realized once more that I deeply desire the freedom in my life to not be tied down to something so much so that if an emergency occurs and causes my absence, it won’t fall apart.  The things that are most dear to me in my life deserve my upmost attention yet because of my occupation they all suffer for it.  I put more time, money, and effort into my job that it drains the life out of me.  I didn’t return back to work today and worked at home the rest of the day.  I absolutely gurantee you that not a single administrator even noticed my absence.    I can absolutely gurantee you than not a single teacher noticed my absence.  Those who noticed my absence were my girls.  That is why I am there.  But in the end, the troubles, lack of support, immaciated budget, screw everybody attitude, seems absolutely not worth it. 

Something has got to give.

I’ve asked God to give my clarity on some issues but I don’t see the fog clearing.  I desperatley need some resolution and some relief.  The things in my life that are important to me are taking a back burner to a job that is draining my life.  I need some change. 

Something’s gotta give.

Where is this all leading?  My mother’s side of the family is practically falling apart because they don’t know how to handle difficulties; can’t communicate; lack faith; and push everybody away.  My job…well you’ve heard enough about that.  My calling’s operation is practically non existent.  I’m spending my life on things that I don’t care for…how can I change this?

Something has gotta give.